Mark Marshall

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Personal Growth

The Book of ‘U’

I remember in some of our leadership training sessions in the past I would sometimes ask the question, “If your friends or family were to write a biography of your life story, what would the title be?”

Don’t get me wrong here, what others’ think about you is important in a lot of ways, but totally unnecessary for you to discover the real U.

It is an eye-opening experience. Think about what you would write as the title, compared to others would put as the title. There are several books I suppose we could write about our lives. The secret things book. You know the one that reveals how you REALLY feel about people and situations. There is also what I call the book of dreams.

Would your life story be horror story, love story, drama, comedy, or God forbid a fiction? I am pretty sure I can say with confidence that your story probably didn’t turn out the way you planned it. But the reality for us is that it (is).

A great exercise I learned from Crystal Andrus was, Your Five Words. I visit this training over and over like on a monthly basis. The exercise is simply find the five words that describe you. What are the five words that reveal what you are all about. Five words that reveal your intent and desire to be in life. I searched out these words in my own life. I found it difficult to own them. I was having conflict in my mind over it for about a month.

Were these five words supposed to be the things I desired to be? Were these words what I perceived what others saw in me? Were the words to be a definition of how I think I am now?  This is how I interpreted the training session; my five words were at the core of who I really am. When you strip your life down to the bare bones material.  Like discovering the core of your purpose and intent at a cellular level.  Take away all of the labels of thought, definition, and opinion of others. In other words, who are you really without any form of external accomplishment, or possession.

I believe this is a wonderful exercise. I have had many of my friends try to come up with their five words. You see these five words is the bedrock of identity. Since I believe life is really a stage to discover the RealU, then it’s imperative that we find these words. When you find these core nuggets, then you can begin to live an authentic life.

Meaning you become aware of alignment to these core values and context. Everything else that does not line up with your core words, is merely a shadow of the RealU!

So what are your words? What is the Title of the Real Book of You?

Divine Purpose

Discovering the RealU 4

Today I am pondering the possibility of discovering your true identity apart from manifesting your destiny. When I say discovering your divine identity I am not merely talking about the mental ascent to understanding. But rather in the revealing and being who you know you are at your core. With this thought in mind then I can see how walking out your destiny or purpose is closely linked to walking out your divine nature. This journey has taken me quite a while. I started out by the realization that I even had a divine nature. In the beginning of my process I just wanted to follow Jesus. I never dreamed that this journey would take me to this place!

Here is my process so far: Following Jesus was certainly the beginning and of course I still do that today. But it evolved into a great hunger to do the works and do what He did, I mean after all He did promise us that we could do His works. After years of that pursuit, I began to desire to be like Him. I wanted, and still do, to be more like Him in His response to humanity. I can only imagine how awesome it must have been to sit and eat a meal with Jesus back in the day. I am certain you would just feel empowered, loved, not judged, and embraced all by His very essence. I have felt this many times over and over again. But I honestly began the pursuit of Heart of God, not just His works.

This wound up being a twenty year journey so far. I haven’t mastered the Character of Christ just yet, but I certainly am a million miles from where I was. When I was young and zealous in the beginning, everyone could not deny my consecration and passion. But they were turned off by my nature and rough judgemental spirit. I know it’s hard for people to believe that really know me. But years ago I wasn’t the person I am today. That is why I tell people you don’t need Jesus to become a good moral person. It seems we have shrunk the whole of Christianity into being ‘blessed’, avoiding troubles, helping a few poor people along the way. But the underlying message has become, a true Jesus follower is a good moral person! This concept should be a given! I mean honestly you can have Jesus in your mind and heart, but the real question is does He have yours? I mean do you have the Spirit or does He have you? I have met and had very hurtful encounters from people who were followers of Jesus, and filled with the Holy Spirit. It is not those that have the Spirit that determine sonship. On the contrary, St. Paul says, “those who are LED by the Spirit, THEY are the Sons of God.”

I know plenty of unbelievers, Hindus, Buddhists, and Muslims who are amazingly loving and good moral people. So that criteria alone can not make the determining factor. You can be a good moral person, and still miss the nature of Christ in every area. I mean a good moral person, goes to work, provides for his family, doesn’t lie, cheat, and pays his taxes. But he can still be full of envy, bitterness, poison, gossip, and back biting. So in my mind the pursuit of Christ Conscienceness and the purpose of becoming a Follower of Jesus has more to with ‘becoming’ in Nature. Some of the best advice I got from my mentor years and years ago was hard to swallow but it saved my life.  My spiritual father and mentor at the time told me that I was way too rough around the edges, and I was teaching the letter of word, but missing the spirit of it completely. He said, “I want you to spend the next few months and read nothing but the ‘RED LETTERS.” I was obedient and the rest shall we say is history.

Reading those red letters for those months changed my whole life. It launched me in to the next step of the process which went from wanting to be like Him, to BE Him! I know this doesn’t fit into the religious boxes of most, but I have been observing and watching on sidelines for years. The concepts have to be revealed and shared. I can just hear my old self saying, “Now come on nobody can be perfect, there is only one Jesus.” Well that is true, Jesus is the summation of the Son of God becoming the Son of Man. St. Athanasius said, “The Son of God became man, so that the sons of men might become the Sons of God.” So in this light it is not a stretch for me to pursue the possibility of becoming not only ‘like’ Jesus, but to become Him. And let me say we can not only do this, but it IS the High calling of God in Christ. We can only pursue this place by the grace of God, the Life of the Spirit and in the Spirit of Christ. Another great saint of old said, “The more I know thee, the more I know me.”

You can not enter into this zone without being one with humanity. As a matter of fact if you are eating the tree of knowledge and evil still you will think I’ve lost my mind and crazy about now. But the greatest mystery of all is to manifest Christ in you the hope of glory. We will not consistently manifest the works and heart of Jesus without striving to do them as Him. Remember this concept; Jesus was not crucified for doing the miracles alone. He was crucified primarily because He said God was His Father, and that He was one with Him.

So the pursuit for me has become to manifest and discover the REAL ME. The Real Me is my Divine Nature where the seed of Christ dwells. Since I am one with Him, and reconciliation has taken place. We are in Him and He is in us. So in my divine nature manifestation it will reveal the Christ in me! What a mystery!

My Process:
I wanted to follow Jesus for all He had done for me
I desired to be like Him
I pursued to the possibility to Be Him
I am on a discovery to know and reveal the Divine Nature Me
In this I bring Heaven to Earth

Back to my subject intro. It is futile to pursue your destiny apart from being. They are one in the same, and will take you to the same place. If you get to the place of manifesting and walking in your destiny, take a look at your nature I bet you have changed!

Divine Purpose

1. All of us have the divine ability to create
2. You find your destiny and or purpose in your passion
3. Very few will make a living at what they are passionate about (not entirely)
4. Manifesting purpose and meaning to the world is a journey (it’s revealed in the art of being and doing, not a destination)
5. Squandering your gifts and talents will bring torment and distress to your life

1. “I’m not very creative” doesn’t work. There is no such thing as creative people and non-creative people. There are only people who use their creativity and people who don’t. Unused creativity doesn’t just disappear. It lives within us until it’s expressed, neglected to death, or suffocated by resentment and fear.

The only unique contribution that we will ever make in this world will be born of our creativity.

If we want to make meaning, we need to make art. Cook, write, draw, doodle, paint, scrapbook, take pictures, collage, knit, rebuild and engine, sculpt, dance, decorate, act, sing it doesn’t matter. As long as we are creating, we are cultivating meaning
(The Gifts of Imperfection, Brene Brown Ph.D., L.M.S.W. pg 98)

We all have the opportunity to create and bring gifts to the world. Most of us pre-judge our ability or the fact that no one would enjoy our gifts. So consequently we just do nothing about it. There is a great reward for manifesting and creating in this dimension. That reward is the overwhelming sense of added value to our lives. I think we all have it within us to help others by serving, or creating things that make their lives a little bit better. So with that thought in mind I would like to offer this new way of looking at our destiny and purpose. I found this new concept quite refreshing on looking at our lives.

When we were younger the teacher and our relatives would ask us, What we wanted to be when we grow up? Now as adults people don’t ask in those certain terms. I have been full-time in my own business and ministry since 1994. It hasn’t always been easy, but I have met so many wonderful and interesting people. I have had the opportunity  to travel quite a bit. Here is the new version of the old question. When you get on a plane it’s very interesting to watch people. That’s really what I love to do the most, meet and watch people in their environment. I always joke with my friends about the two-hour relationship I have with someone between cities on a flight. It is very comical, sometimes I am just too tired and I want to say to them, “you know what I’m sorry but this relationship isn’t going to work for me, because we are just going to break up after this flight.”  I am just teasing, I have made actual friends that I still keep in contact with on flights. I have learned about some really cool important stuff. I have actually been on flights with like 85 team member cheer squad! Talk about an exciting trip. I have been on flights with celebrities. I have sit next to moms, priests, business owners, first time flyers, music moguls, college coaches, NBA Coaches, trainers and the such.  You name it in eleven years of constant flying you will see about everything.

I have narrowed the groups of travellers into groups: business, leisure (family), school or sports, or vacationers. I remember way before laptops and the iPods there was cassettes and or conversation. Being from the midwest doesn’t help because we all know how friendly we are. When you travel in the northeast it is a little different. The people are a lot more business minded and rigid. Striking up a conversation with them isn’t usually necessary. But in this arena for those few moments here is the new version of the what do you want to be when you grow up question.

The first thing we usually ask each other is, 1. Where are you headed today? 2. Are you travelling for business or leisure? 3. WHAT DO YOU DO (for a living)?  That question of ‘what do you do’ has puzzled me. I mean it’s like a measuring stick in others’ minds of your value and or worth.  And let’s face it, not all of us have an interesting comeback and or a way to impress the person asking the question. I love my friend so much he travels all over the world and is a president of a corporation and he is a very interesting, genuine person with loads of wit and wisdom. I would be proud to answer the question of what do you do if I was him. But sometimes the answer to what do you do (for a living) isn’t always a measuring stick for who I am as a person! And I don’t want to be put into a box of someone else’s opinion of who I am as a person or my worth or value. I mean I learned a long time ago that if I said, I work in the church field, or minister it would hardly fly as a conversation starter. Our two-hour relationship would usually never get off of the ground. Primarily because of  people’s pre-conceived ideas of the church world in general.

So with that in mind I would say well, I’m a motivational speaker, or I’m a dreamcaster, or visionary. These are all true. I remember a few years ago I would get so frustrated with the whole conversation and say crazy stuff like, I’m a counselor on Radio. Which was all true by the way, I was on the radio for a good while. But I found myself not wanting to be in a box. I don’t want my worth to be measured in a sound bite of what I do for a living. I don’t want to be measured by which section I sit in on the plane, or how I am dressed for the day, or which new phone or electronic gadget I use. I have rebelled against the system it seems my whole career. I just didn’t want to be put into the box and limited to what others would determine what my worth would be. There have been times I have worn suits, because of my meetings upcoming and time schedules. There are other times I wear coaching sweats and flip-flops in first class.

It wasn’t until I discovered the concept of living in the slash. The honest truth, when someone asks us what do we do, our response should be, “How much time do you have?” Aside of my duties of being a father, husband, friend, son and leader. I make money from being a web designer and mentor and trainer and speaker. But even in all this it’s not the sum total of who I am. So many of us might think of what we do to make money or jobs as the primary thing of importance and anything else we do to create meaning is secondary and not a part of who we are.

Marci Alboher wrote a book called, One Person/ Multiple Careers: A New Model for Work / Life Success. If you were to ask my wife she would say, I’m a Research Assistant, Grad Student, (gardener) (photographer) (book lover). But in Marci’s book it is about living within the slash and not parenthesis. It would be Research Assistant / Grad Student / Gardener / Photographer / Book Lover. This concept gives more value in our lives towards the things that bring meaning. I’ve said before few of us have the opportunity to make money doing what we love, but it doesn’t make what we love any less important or valuable. So in this concept you can live within the slash.

Examples might be, fisherman/documentary filmmaker/singer, or accountant/blogger/ musician. Or how about lawyer/chef/cartoonist. When I discovered this concept it opened a whole new value system to my being. My slashes are becoming many but it’s becoming more of a whole expression of the answer to, “What do you do?”

In this present time here is my answer: I’m a Mentor/Leader/Trainer/Minister/Prophet/Deacon/Writer/Singer/Songwriter/Musician/Psalmist/Football Coach/Theologian/Mystic/…

What are you?

Divine Purpose

Discovering the RealU 2

I was talking to one of my sons a few months ago about what he wanted to do for a living, and or career. I found his response and logic quite different from what I expected. His reply was, ” I want to get involved in some kind of schooling that requires the least amount of time and the most pay”. You know we have been trained to think this way in our carnal perspectives. Some people try to find jobs, some seek careers with benefits. Remember years ago that if you had a steady job and health insurance and 401k then life couldn’t be better. The only problem is benefits costs more, and cover less. Investments are shaky, and it’s not even a good reason at all to work. Not to mention the idea of doing something that gives meaning and purpose.

I’m not saying we shouldn’t work and provide for our families. But now being fifty and knowing what I know about life and regretful choices I have made concerning my career; it’s painful to think my son has this ideology. It’s like I am going to try to find work and or career based upon my own personal evaluation of my current abilities. I was so pained to know that my son was trying to shrink all of his ambition and creativity in life to a job. That is such a carnal ‘safe’ move. The truth is I know for a fact if he went to school, learned a trade and entered the grind of life with credit, debt, and benefits he would end up miserable in about 20 years. I am trying to help him avoid that at all cost. I mean just think if you were 20 years old again, with no debts and a clean slate what kind of life you would plan and shoot for. I can tell you I could paint you the most color picture of what I would like to accomplish, I definitely wouldn’t be painting with just two colors.  So many want to play life and career safe, and stay in all of the lines. Some even venture out and color with not just black and white, but with the 8 basic colors of the color wheel! Well lets don’t throw a party just yet, my printer is supposed to be able to print 16 and even 32 million color variations! Just think of the colors that we can’t even see.

What I saw my son doing was trying to make a career choice based upon his natural ability, and what he thought he was good at. He never even considered that it might be possible to actually plan and achieve a career path with his dream involved. I honestly think so many people are miserable in our country because things just didn’t pan out the way they had hoped. I also think that the financial crisis is a blessing from God to get people out of their dead-end jobs, and move towards creating meaning and purpose as opposed to just existing. So many are refocusing and redefining themselves in this hour. I have a suspicion that the next ten years of our lives we as people will do more for humanity than the previous fifty!  So what do we do if we have a good job with benefits, and like the work and provides for our families and lifestyle? How do I convert that into meaningful work? Do I have to go back to school or change careers?

The answer is NO! You know the carnal mind will always choose the path with the least amount of risk, and the most sense of certainty. But faith is a scary journey! But then there is plain old stupidity. I mean it’s confusing to me how people go from supporting their families and then all of a sudden quit everything to minister, and not even have any where to minister. So lets take a deep breath here and soak up some thoughts. The truth is we all have an aching deep in our  being to create something, and or do something that has meaning and or significance. The Destiny message has been revealed and we are definitely on board, but no one ever tells us what that looks like or how you get there! What if I told you that you can ‘have’ your cake and ‘eat’ it too!  Let me help you see something; if you can see these things you will become more ready to move forward.

1. All of us have the divine ability to create
2. You find your destiny and or purpose in your passion
3. Very few will make a living at what they are passionate about (not entirely)
4. Manifesting purpose and meaning to the world is a journey (it’s revealed in the art of being and doing, not a destination)
5. Squandering your gifts and talents will bring torment and distress to your life

Divine Purpose

Discovering the RealU

“What do you want to be when you grow up?”  I suppose there is not an American alive that hasn’t been asked this question, either in Kindergarten or First grade. I’m thinking today of what the answers might have been when we were young and full of hope, and faith. I remember in my class there were replies of  Teacher, astronaut, Football Player, Singer, Business Owner, and even the President.

Today I am wondering how many of us ‘became’ what we wanted to be when we grew up? Were we told that we can be anything we want, but without ever explaining or teaching how that might ever happen? Or maybe you are still like me, I still often talk to my wife about what I want to be when I grow up. You see I haven’t reached my full desired goal so that must mean that I am just not grown yet?

I think there is a mistake made continually in the fact that we equate what we do with who we are. But on the same note what you do can reveal a bit of who you really are at your core. If you do from a place of being. My classic example would be that of Adam. He was created as a living soul, which is better translated as a ‘living Being’. After the fall he became a “human doing’. In other words in the Garden he did and worked from a place of identity, but outside of the garden he worked from a place of doing, which always leads to a need for identity. Our carnal fallen culture is constantly ‘doing’ to discover their divine identity. But it is so misleading and a terrible trap. The carnal mind is our false sense of self. This form of identity is always equated with doing, and having. The more quantitative you do or have, then surely you are in full assurance of your identity.

So how did we get from ‘being’ to ‘doing? I think it was from the changing culture and times over the years. Over the years our forefathers after the Great Depression were just grateful to have jobs. Most of them farmed and supplied to industry. This ushered in the Industrial age where people and families grew up manufacturing plants, making cars, steel mills, and everything imaginable. This was a great foundation because it afforded the children of these ‘Job Minded’ people to give education to their children. In the old days is was very rare that someone would actually not retire in the job that they had done for thirty or forty years. Now a days, its more on the rare side.

After our forefathers children went to school, many of them became our parents, and ‘career minded’. You see the career minded group was playing into the false sense of being, more like doing. I am what I do, and or what I have, and even who I know. You see back in the old days people would pick ‘Jobs’ based upon talent and ability.  So they would try to apply for Jobs that they could do, and hopefully do it really well, and long enough to receive some benefits. The ‘Career’ group is more focused upon the pay and benefits. This group would go to school based upon probable need in the future, and benefits and pay scale. While longevity is still the goal, but not without stepping-stones of merit along the way.

When I was in High School we were required to take aptitude test that would somehow formulate the best job, or career choice. It was a grueling three-day test to help the counselors help guide you in the right career path. I think it was a military backed test so, pretty scary really. They were probably trying to sway the brainiacs, luckily I wasnt in the radar. So after you find what you might be good at, then you were to find the schooling and training to help you fulfill what you are good at. Then hopefully negotiate a pay. The biggest issue I feel cheated about in this journey some 35 years ago, was the counselor never asked me what are you passionate about? It was always work based, like what do you think you could do, or like to do. In other words lets test your skill set, and find the best paying job.

But there is a new generation rising up. They might work a job for pay just to get by or pay the bills, they realize that is a life-sustaining event. I read somewhere for the first time in history there will be more educated people working in fields of life that they weren’t trained in for the first time in History. I think it was a rather large number. Like 60% or higher will work in a field they weren’t trained in. Example of a Financial executive gets offers from IBM or some company, with good salary, benefits. But he will choose a non-profit sector start-up to help suffering people in other countries. Believe me when I tell you this in not an isolated event, this is the movement of our generation.

Our forefathers wanted a job, their children and children’s children wanted a career, but this group wants to make a difference and live their passion!  When you think about it, when you choose to live your passion you actually are making affirmations and answering the questions of ‘What to you want to BE when you grow up, not DO!’ The only thing is most people don’t get paid to live their passion, but its the only way to live an authentic life, and discover the real U. The next blog I will go into more detail about that I’m talking about. Until then Grace & Peace and share this please!

Divine Purpose

Purpose for your pain…

The definition for pain according to Wikipedia:

Pain is “an unpleasant sensory and emotional experience associated with actual or potential tissue damage, or described in terms of such damage.”It is the feeling common to such experiences as stubbing a toe, burning a finger, putting iodine on a cut, and bumping the “funny bone”.

Pain motivates us to withdraw from potentially damaging situations, protect a damaged body part while it heals, and avoid those situations in the future. Most pain resolves promptly once the painful stimulus is removed and the body has healed, but sometimes pain persists despite removal of the stimulus and apparent healing of the body; and sometimes pain arises in the absence of any detectable stimulus, damage or disease.

I was teaching at Triumphant Church in Detroit yesterday morning when this concept became very clear to me. My very best friend in Oklahoma had an accident while cutting trees that had fallen during a storm. The tree suddenly fell on him, and broke his L-1 Lumbar, actually shattered it to pieces. It was horrific, but God was even faithful through all of it. The first couple of nights in the hospital were some of the roughest. His surgeon that was one of the best in the nation was out of the country. So in the mean time my friend had to wait two days for surgery with the fragments of the vertebrae everywhere. The calls from his wife were heart wrenching because of the pain and suffering he was going through.

Here is what I learned about the pain management. On the second night he was in so much pain, we were all praying but couldn’t understand why they couldn’t give him enough pain medication to keep him comfortable. His wife told me that night that one of the bone fragments was like a hair-line away from his spinal cord. If that fragment would have punctured or cut his spinal cord he would most assuredly been paralyzed. She told me that they didn’t want all of the pain to go away, so that he would not move around too much and take a chance of paralyzing himself. He of course at the time didn’t know this, but knew his pain was excruciating. So the pain was actual and potential damage. It was left in place to keep him from hurting himself even more than he already was!

The third day was the four-hour surgery. It went successful as planned. He is a proud owner of a titanium vertebrae and some hardware. All the while he has totally feeling and used of his extremities and even without any numbing or tingling. You see after the surgery he seemed relieved from the pain, he felt great. Talking to him on the phone was just like old times. So after the surgery the doctors gave him this new medicine that actually blocks the pain receptors. So now being pain-free for the most part he was able to move around and do his therapy and exercises! If the pain had not been managed, then his recovery most certainly would have been a slower process. Within a week in the hospital, he was walking on his own, and actually went home a day early. He is still recovering miraculously. I know for a fact it is by the mercy and power of God’s grace, the prayers of the saints. But I think today the pain management and the way it was handled had a lot to do with my friends positive attitude. You see this kind of faith is unstoppable. He is supposed to remain home bound for six weeks, at this rate I highly doubt it. After being home just a couple of days from a most traumatic accident, he was at one of his son’s baseball games. It’s hard to keep this man down, he has more faith than anyone else I have ever met.

Let’s bring this idea closer to home. No one wants to suffer or experience any kind of pain. But pain is result of injury and designed to keep you from further damage. You learn lessons from pain. I remember the old school way of teaching a child not to touch the stove, guess what they will only touch it once in their lives! So in a real sense pain can be a teacher to keep you out of harms way. What I realized yesterday morning while I was teaching was it might be quite possible that your current pain via be relational, emotional, etc. could be keeping you from hurting yourself even more permanently. Like as if my friend would have moved around too much, he might have paralyzed himself without knowing. In the same fashion, if you have a relational breakdown with a spouse don’t compound the pain by going out and doing something stupid. This action may result in doing irreversible damage to your relationship.

One thing for sure pain and suffering is a part of the transformation process from the carnal to the spiritual. Until we become totally free in our minds we will suffer. Suffering and going through things in this life is inevitable. Even Jesus said, in the world we would have tribulation, but be of good courage. And again St. Paul says God will make a way of escape, that you might endure the process. St Peter talked a lot about suffering in so much that he said it was a necessary element in establishing you. He says in First Peter that the God of all grace after you have suffered a while, God will strengthen, establish, and settle you. He will not allow you to suffer above that which you can take. The crazy thing is the thing you are going through that you don’t think you can, but you still are, because you CAN!

Pain is relative to each person’s threshold. If you ever visit a doctor for any kind of pain you will be asked to give a number between 1 and 10 to describe your pain. Also the length of your pain will be relative to which stage of the process you are in. If you are in the protective stage, your pain will remain to keep you from moving and further risking damaging yourself. If you are coming out of the process, then your pain will slowly dissipate as you learn to walk through and past it.

Just know for certainty today. Your ego and carnal mind is the source of all of your pain and suffering. So as you slowly become enlightened you will experience this pain of letting go and exercising your ‘new’ eyes, and muscles.

Kingdom Community

Belonging and Fitting In

I may have missed my calling just a bit, I am fascinated in my older age by the behavior and thinking among humans. I find myself studying, doing hours and hours of research on the subject. I came across this idea of belonging versus fitting in. They are not the same thing. Belonging and connection are at the core of every person alive. Fitting in is an external or internal adjustment on someone’s part to belong artificially.

Teenagers master this skill because it is inherited in our DNA. Because of our need to belong, the inability to be authentic and courageous leaves us no choice but to fit in or conform. Fitting in is about changing my authentic self, in my looks, desires, attitudes etc to conform into the desired crowd or relationship. We have done it so long that honestly people have mistaken this for their real self!

My friend Toby told the basic needs of all humans
1. To be fully known
2. To be fully loved
3. To be fully connected (I added this one)

All of the driving forces within us cause us to seek these things through our human strengths. Brene Brown Ph.D. says,” Connection is the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued: when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derived sustenance and strength from the relationship.” You see to be connected in this sense requires you to be authentic and vulnerable. It’s definitely a learned process. If you think about your first date that you have with your potential mate, the fear and anxiety of fitting in and finding approval. Now think of the authenticity of the relationship after you are married for 20 years!

Daniel Goleman wrote a book called, Social Intelligence: The New Science of Human Relationships. Daniel proves through neuroscience that we are hardwired for connection and that our relationships shape our biology as well as our experiences. He writes,”Even our most routine encounters act as regulators in the brain priming our emotions, some desirable, others not. The more strongly connected we are with someone emotionally the greater the mutual force.”

One of the biggest problems is our culture. We are driven to succeed and are identified by what we have. It’s sad to say but most people in our country have an identity crisis. Our self-worth is affected by our net worth, and we base our worthiness upon our productivity. Meaning we feel better about ourselves in a worth sense based upon how far we got down our to-do-list for the day! Another huge problem in our society is we have now handed out busyness, and exhaustion as badges of honor! We are way too busy to even know what we are about anymore. Our children are way too busy, we are creating the same world for them that we hate about our own!

If connecting requires me to be authentic then it’s quite the opposite for ‘fitting in’. The idea of fitting in requires me to begin a comparison process to determine my level of fitting in, and which crowd or friends I will have. Unfortunately comparison is all about conformity and competition. If we are not careful we will find ourselves only feeling adequate or enough when we are doing better than. Better than is a myth that the carnal minds plays on you to get you to connect without authenticity. Technology has connected people but not so much in a heart to heart fashion, but sort of in a plastic way!

I remember last year I was in a funk. I just couldn’t shake it. My birthday rolled around and to see all of the posts on my Facebook really gave me a charge. My feelings of worth and value shot up. Well this year the same thing happened. I think in those two days I received over 350 well wishes and emails. While I was basking in the ‘love’, I heard my self say, “how would you be feeling if you would have only received 5 well wishes instead of 350?” So then I realized the people I have true connections with are enough to sustain me. I have to learn to enough without adding the ____________ at the end of the sentence.

Answer this question, “I will feel better about myself and my life when ________________________(happens, or gets done….ie: lose weight, make more money, etc etc….) You have to fill in the blank and be honest to yourself. The challenge that I am working on is to be enough already. And learn to accept and love the person God has already made me to be at my core!

Personal Growth

Shame: The Swamp Land of the Soul

Today I was reading and came across this idea of shame being like a swamp. I have been contemplating the whole Adam and Eve story for years, and very intensely the last year or so. I can not seem to shake the idea that we are still dealing with the effects of that fatal day. Misty Edwards is an amazing prophetic psalmist. In one of her songs the line is, “If Grace is an ocean then we’re all drowning.” I truly believe this statement, I also recall Stevie Nicks had a line in a song that said, “Drowning in the sea of love, where everyone would love to drown.”

Well if grace is like the ocean, and love like a sea; then shame has to be like a swamp of the soul!  Lets take a look at the swampland first shall we.

A swamp is a wetland with some flooding of large areas of land by shallow bodies of water. A swamp generally has a large number of hammocks, or dry-land protrusions, covered by aquatic vegetation, or vegetation that tolerates periodical inundation.  A common feature of swamps is water stagnation.

Swamps are characterized by very slow-moving waters. They are usually associated with adjacent rivers or lakes. In some cases, rivers become swamps for a distance. Swamps are features of areas with very low topographic relief.

Swamps were historically often drained to provide additional land for agriculture, and to reduce the threat of diseases borne by swamp insects and similar animals. Swamps were generally seen as useless and even dangerous. This practice of swamp draining is nowadays seen as a destruction of a very valuable ecological habitat type of which large tracts have already disappeared in many countries. However, the generally messy nature of swamps, with their diffuse boundaries and lack of enclosure, prevents humans from being able to collect and capitalize on their precious natural resources. Generally swamps are assessed as having low land value even while they are being protected from damage. [Wikipedia]

Shame is definitely like a stagnation to our souls, the life and flow of it. It is also uninhabitable for the most part by humans. So it’s definitely not a good place to live! We know there are many insects, and predators that lark in the hidden terrain. Most of I see metamorphically speaking, a very low-lying place. To our souls with shame is exactly all of these things. It is a terrible and dangerous environment for the soul.

Dr. Rene Brown says in her book, “The Gifts of Imperfections: Let go of who you thing you’re supposed to be and embrace who are”, That Shame is the ‘fear of disconnection and belonging due to my own feeling of unworthiness.’ In other words we are all hard-wired for connection and belonging, but somehow we get to a place to where our own feelings of unworthiness for whatever reason creates a disconnected mindset. We somehow feel that if you knew the internal struggles I have with in me, and my own knowledge of unworthiness you would reject me. This creates the shame.

She also rights in her book about Shame.

1. We all have it…..
2. We are all afraid to talk about it…..
3. The less we talk about it, the more power it has over our lives…..

Dr. Brown is a researcher / storyteller by profession. Over 10 years of shame, vulnerability, and fear research was done by her. I find the information very insightful into the human soul and mindset. I can easily see how this is such a huge issue in all of our lives. I believe with all of my heart that the Facebook and MySpace phenomenon is marker for what is going on in people’s lives and minds. Aside from the obvious narcissistic  tendencies, and the  voyeuristic curiosity of us all; The message that I hear from Facebook over all to me is the basic needs of humans at its finest.

1. The need to be Fully Loved
2. The need to be Fully Known (heard, seen, perceived)
3. The need to Belong

Of course Facebook has become a wonderful in communicating, promoting, and even was paramount in the Egyptian Revolution! This tool can also be a very dangerous tool in the hands of those that carry shame in the dark crevasses of their being. I poke fun sometimes when I say, Facebook can be a tool for creeping, snooping, and stalking. As a matter of fact the California legal community has said through its findings that 1 in every 5 divorces are because of Facebook’s ability to communicate. Facebook has become a very great tool for lawyers.

http://blogs.findlaw.com/law_and_life/2011/03/facebook-to-blame-for-1-in-5-divorces-lawyers-say.html

To navigate these swampy areas in our minds and souls, we are going to have to build deep trusting relationships with others who can listen without a judgmental spirit. If we can find these people the grip of shame will begin to erode and dry up as it were. And much like farmers we can drain the swampy waters of shame and despair, and once again plant productive fields of love and acceptance.

My Good friend Toby once told me the difference between shame and guilt.

Guilt: I DID something bad
Shame: I AM something bad

I will never forget this as long as I live. I realize guilt is a blessing from God to help nudge you to reconcile the offenses you may have occurred along the path of life so that you can live free and with an open heart. If we ignore the nudging then the inevitable consequence is shame. You will begin to identify a part of you AS the bad thing, instead of a slip up, it becomes your identity.

God help us to identify with the greatness within each and every one of us! As I watch the Earthquake and Tsunami in Japan unfold, I am so amazed at the spirit of the people. There hasn’t been one single report of looting and violence, and they wait for over 3 hours to get water and some don’t even get it. Let us not even discuss what would happen in America if anything remotely like that happened? Just think New Orleans, and Katrina, or the fires in the riot in Downtown L.A.

Consider and pray about finding a trusted friend that sticks closer than and brother to navigate and dry up your Swampland of the Soul. This is your year to get it done! One thing I am 100% sure of…..

It will NEVER get fixed by ignoring it!  That is what your carnal mind is trying to convince you of!

Kingdom Tales

The Tribe of ‘ouda’ and ‘ida’

This is an excerpt I ran across from a book that I am writing. This brought back a flood of memories. I would like to encourage you with the same encouragement that I received from the experience. I hope you are strengthened in your path, and resolved to not only desire an Outcome, but rather an Opportunity to Overcome! If this is a blessing to you please share!

From the Book…..I am Joseph:

My father was a great man of God. He had more kindness and character than any man I know up to this point. He was a man that I always wanted to grow up and be like. He was just, caring, and always looking out for others. He always put others needs before his own. In 2005 my father had a challenge of prostrate cancer. He was a tough old bird. He was one of those old school guys that would never go to the doctor until he was about dead. This was one of those times. Unfortunately he battled for a couple of years and finally went home to be with the Lord in July 2007.

In the last stages of his journey for the last four months I would come and just spend time with him and we would talk. Now you have to understand in the final stages of his life he was still cheerful and upbeat. One thing I noticed though he was having visitations of angels and the Lord himself! I remember talking to him at times and he would be staring up and the ceiling behind me just smiling. I would ask him what he was seeing, and he would say it was the angels of God. I will never forget on my last visit before he passed on we had a conversation that really changed my life. I never thought it would be the last time I ever talked to him but I’m grateful to God that we had that time together for the last few months of his life. Even on his death bed my dad was still sharing the mysteries of the Kingdom for all who would hear him. I am forever grateful to the Father for allowing me to be so blessed to have him as my earthly father.

I was talking to my dad that July afternoon. I asked him, “Dad I thank God that sometimes He allows us to circle back around in our lives and redo the bad choices we’ve made in our lives. And I think it’s His grace that allows us to sometimes undo the wrong choices we’ve made as well.” I was not prepared for the wisdom that proceeded out of his mouth. I was expecting the patented Christian response of the power and grace of God to allow us some sense of redemption and redo the wrong in our lives. What came out his mouth by way of the Holy One just shocked me and awakened me to another depth in God’s ways that I had not known until that point.

He said, “Son you have got to stop worrying over the choices you made in your life. The choices you made were the only choices you could have made at that time in your life. As a matter of fact God knew the choice you were going to make in that certain situation and made a plan for you according to the choice you had to make. So the choices that you made that you somehow think now were the wrong choices were actually the only choice for you to make. But what you must do is overcome the tribe of ‘ouda’ and ‘ida’. You know the tribe of woulda, shoulda, coulda, and if ida! More people get tripped up by those enemies than any other thing in their lives! If you live your whole life wondering if ida only said this, or I wished I coulda done something different here. And also if I wished now I woulda or I shoulda made a better choice in my life. If you don’t overcome these things you will never enter into the life that God has intended for you!”

Wow such wisdom pouring out of this man; it was like it was straight from heaven. I could sense a holy sensation fill the room as I listen to this great wisdom. I realized as I meditated on these words on the plane ride home that he was absolutely right. We have to overcome the tribe of the ‘ouda’ and ‘ida’. We must not spend wasted time and energy focusing on these enemies of our souls. These enemies keep us locked into the past. We spend tremendous amount of our lives trying to redo and change the effects of our past.

Personal Growth

Paradoxical Ascent 2

The paradoxical ascent to God is not easily explained to the logical mind.  In simple terms the early Fathers of the faith would use these terms to describe the spiritual ‘feeling’. The Paradox here is the reality of what’s really going on in the hearts and minds of God’s people at certain times in their lives.

‘The more I know about God, it seems the less I really know’, and ‘The closer I get to Him and His Essence, the further away He seems.’ This could be some really great knowledge to know in some of our uncertain times. To actually learn by faith and through experience that in those times where I think God is a million miles away He might actually be the closest. I have found that Knowing God is more fitted to my experience than just my learning ability. St Symeon said that, ‘God can only be known by experiencing Him.’  My finite mind can not contain or formulate the nature and Person of the Godhead, but I truly enjoy learning and trying. But it seems like every time I go back to certain scriptures that I thought I knew one way, have now changed or added, in the meaning.  What I know have learned over the years is that He hasn’t changed but I have been moving ‘IN HIM’, and now I have a different perspective on the same scriptures I thought I knew by heart a few years back.

The Paradoxical Ascent can be described in this way. We are from Oklahoma originally, and every year we would take a trip to Colorado to the mountains. It’s a drive that for most part is very flat and boring. But there is a point that you get in New Mexico, I’m not sure where exactly, but you can see the whole Rocky Mountain range. And when you get to that point in the trip it changes to excitement because you can see everything.  The closer you get into Colorado and actually beginning to go through the mountains, there is a series of descending and ascending. The thing you will notice is you no longer see the whole range just a few mountains. But the closer you get to your destination, for us it was always Mount Crested Butte, you can’t see anything but what’s in front of you. So it is much like the Paradoxical Ascent, the closer I get the further away I seem, and the more I know, the less I know.

When we first started out in our journey to God there is a point that you think or perceive to see the whole picture. But as you journey on further the closer you get and the less you think you know! Enjoy the journey friends His ways are past finding out, but its fun trying to learn everything we can!