Mark Marshall

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Shame: The Swamp Land of the Soul

Today I was reading and came across this idea of shame being like a swamp. I have been contemplating the whole Adam and Eve story for years, and very intensely the last year or so. I can not seem to shake the idea that we are still dealing with the effects of that fatal day. Misty Edwards is an amazing prophetic psalmist. In one of her songs the line is, “If Grace is an ocean then we’re all drowning.” I truly believe this statement, I also recall Stevie Nicks had a line in a song that said, “Drowning in the sea of love, where everyone would love to drown.”

Well if grace is like the ocean, and love like a sea; then shame has to be like a swamp of the soul!  Lets take a look at the swampland first shall we.

A swamp is a wetland with some flooding of large areas of land by shallow bodies of water. A swamp generally has a large number of hammocks, or dry-land protrusions, covered by aquatic vegetation, or vegetation that tolerates periodical inundation.  A common feature of swamps is water stagnation.

Swamps are characterized by very slow-moving waters. They are usually associated with adjacent rivers or lakes. In some cases, rivers become swamps for a distance. Swamps are features of areas with very low topographic relief.

Swamps were historically often drained to provide additional land for agriculture, and to reduce the threat of diseases borne by swamp insects and similar animals. Swamps were generally seen as useless and even dangerous. This practice of swamp draining is nowadays seen as a destruction of a very valuable ecological habitat type of which large tracts have already disappeared in many countries. However, the generally messy nature of swamps, with their diffuse boundaries and lack of enclosure, prevents humans from being able to collect and capitalize on their precious natural resources. Generally swamps are assessed as having low land value even while they are being protected from damage. [Wikipedia]

Shame is definitely like a stagnation to our souls, the life and flow of it. It is also uninhabitable for the most part by humans. So it’s definitely not a good place to live! We know there are many insects, and predators that lark in the hidden terrain. Most of I see metamorphically speaking, a very low-lying place. To our souls with shame is exactly all of these things. It is a terrible and dangerous environment for the soul.

Dr. Rene Brown says in her book, “The Gifts of Imperfections: Let go of who you thing you’re supposed to be and embrace who are”, That Shame is the ‘fear of disconnection and belonging due to my own feeling of unworthiness.’ In other words we are all hard-wired for connection and belonging, but somehow we get to a place to where our own feelings of unworthiness for whatever reason creates a disconnected mindset. We somehow feel that if you knew the internal struggles I have with in me, and my own knowledge of unworthiness you would reject me. This creates the shame.

She also rights in her book about Shame.

1. We all have it…..
2. We are all afraid to talk about it…..
3. The less we talk about it, the more power it has over our lives…..

Dr. Brown is a researcher / storyteller by profession. Over 10 years of shame, vulnerability, and fear research was done by her. I find the information very insightful into the human soul and mindset. I can easily see how this is such a huge issue in all of our lives. I believe with all of my heart that the Facebook and MySpace phenomenon is marker for what is going on in people’s lives and minds. Aside from the obvious narcissistic  tendencies, and the  voyeuristic curiosity of us all; The message that I hear from Facebook over all to me is the basic needs of humans at its finest.

1. The need to be Fully Loved
2. The need to be Fully Known (heard, seen, perceived)
3. The need to Belong

Of course Facebook has become a wonderful in communicating, promoting, and even was paramount in the Egyptian Revolution! This tool can also be a very dangerous tool in the hands of those that carry shame in the dark crevasses of their being. I poke fun sometimes when I say, Facebook can be a tool for creeping, snooping, and stalking. As a matter of fact the California legal community has said through its findings that 1 in every 5 divorces are because of Facebook’s ability to communicate. Facebook has become a very great tool for lawyers.

http://blogs.findlaw.com/law_and_life/2011/03/facebook-to-blame-for-1-in-5-divorces-lawyers-say.html

To navigate these swampy areas in our minds and souls, we are going to have to build deep trusting relationships with others who can listen without a judgmental spirit. If we can find these people the grip of shame will begin to erode and dry up as it were. And much like farmers we can drain the swampy waters of shame and despair, and once again plant productive fields of love and acceptance.

My Good friend Toby once told me the difference between shame and guilt.

Guilt: I DID something bad
Shame: I AM something bad

I will never forget this as long as I live. I realize guilt is a blessing from God to help nudge you to reconcile the offenses you may have occurred along the path of life so that you can live free and with an open heart. If we ignore the nudging then the inevitable consequence is shame. You will begin to identify a part of you AS the bad thing, instead of a slip up, it becomes your identity.

God help us to identify with the greatness within each and every one of us! As I watch the Earthquake and Tsunami in Japan unfold, I am so amazed at the spirit of the people. There hasn’t been one single report of looting and violence, and they wait for over 3 hours to get water and some don’t even get it. Let us not even discuss what would happen in America if anything remotely like that happened? Just think New Orleans, and Katrina, or the fires in the riot in Downtown L.A.

Consider and pray about finding a trusted friend that sticks closer than and brother to navigate and dry up your Swampland of the Soul. This is your year to get it done! One thing I am 100% sure of…..

It will NEVER get fixed by ignoring it!  That is what your carnal mind is trying to convince you of!

The Tribe of ‘ouda’ and ‘ida’

This is an excerpt I ran across from a book that I am writing. This brought back a flood of memories. I would like to encourage you with the same encouragement that I received from the experience. I hope you are strengthened in your path, and resolved to not only desire an Outcome, but rather an Opportunity to Overcome! If this is a blessing to you please share!

From the Book…..I am Joseph:

My father was a great man of God. He had more kindness and character than any man I know up to this point. He was a man that I always wanted to grow up and be like. He was just, caring, and always looking out for others. He always put others needs before his own. In 2005 my father had a challenge of prostrate cancer. He was a tough old bird. He was one of those old school guys that would never go to the doctor until he was about dead. This was one of those times. Unfortunately he battled for a couple of years and finally went home to be with the Lord in July 2007.

In the last stages of his journey for the last four months I would come and just spend time with him and we would talk. Now you have to understand in the final stages of his life he was still cheerful and upbeat. One thing I noticed though he was having visitations of angels and the Lord himself! I remember talking to him at times and he would be staring up and the ceiling behind me just smiling. I would ask him what he was seeing, and he would say it was the angels of God. I will never forget on my last visit before he passed on we had a conversation that really changed my life. I never thought it would be the last time I ever talked to him but I’m grateful to God that we had that time together for the last few months of his life. Even on his death bed my dad was still sharing the mysteries of the Kingdom for all who would hear him. I am forever grateful to the Father for allowing me to be so blessed to have him as my earthly father.

I was talking to my dad that July afternoon. I asked him, “Dad I thank God that sometimes He allows us to circle back around in our lives and redo the bad choices we’ve made in our lives. And I think it’s His grace that allows us to sometimes undo the wrong choices we’ve made as well.” I was not prepared for the wisdom that proceeded out of his mouth. I was expecting the patented Christian response of the power and grace of God to allow us some sense of redemption and redo the wrong in our lives. What came out his mouth by way of the Holy One just shocked me and awakened me to another depth in God’s ways that I had not known until that point.

He said, “Son you have got to stop worrying over the choices you made in your life. The choices you made were the only choices you could have made at that time in your life. As a matter of fact God knew the choice you were going to make in that certain situation and made a plan for you according to the choice you had to make. So the choices that you made that you somehow think now were the wrong choices were actually the only choice for you to make. But what you must do is overcome the tribe of ‘ouda’ and ‘ida’. You know the tribe of woulda, shoulda, coulda, and if ida! More people get tripped up by those enemies than any other thing in their lives! If you live your whole life wondering if ida only said this, or I wished I coulda done something different here. And also if I wished now I woulda or I shoulda made a better choice in my life. If you don’t overcome these things you will never enter into the life that God has intended for you!”

Wow such wisdom pouring out of this man; it was like it was straight from heaven. I could sense a holy sensation fill the room as I listen to this great wisdom. I realized as I meditated on these words on the plane ride home that he was absolutely right. We have to overcome the tribe of the ‘ouda’ and ‘ida’. We must not spend wasted time and energy focusing on these enemies of our souls. These enemies keep us locked into the past. We spend tremendous amount of our lives trying to redo and change the effects of our past.

Paradoxical Ascent 2

The paradoxical ascent to God is not easily explained to the logical mind.  In simple terms the early Fathers of the faith would use these terms to describe the spiritual ‘feeling’. The Paradox here is the reality of what’s really going on in the hearts and minds of God’s people at certain times in their lives.

‘The more I know about God, it seems the less I really know’, and ‘The closer I get to Him and His Essence, the further away He seems.’ This could be some really great knowledge to know in some of our uncertain times. To actually learn by faith and through experience that in those times where I think God is a million miles away He might actually be the closest. I have found that Knowing God is more fitted to my experience than just my learning ability. St Symeon said that, ‘God can only be known by experiencing Him.’  My finite mind can not contain or formulate the nature and Person of the Godhead, but I truly enjoy learning and trying. But it seems like every time I go back to certain scriptures that I thought I knew one way, have now changed or added, in the meaning.  What I know have learned over the years is that He hasn’t changed but I have been moving ‘IN HIM’, and now I have a different perspective on the same scriptures I thought I knew by heart a few years back.

The Paradoxical Ascent can be described in this way. We are from Oklahoma originally, and every year we would take a trip to Colorado to the mountains. It’s a drive that for most part is very flat and boring. But there is a point that you get in New Mexico, I’m not sure where exactly, but you can see the whole Rocky Mountain range. And when you get to that point in the trip it changes to excitement because you can see everything.  The closer you get into Colorado and actually beginning to go through the mountains, there is a series of descending and ascending. The thing you will notice is you no longer see the whole range just a few mountains. But the closer you get to your destination, for us it was always Mount Crested Butte, you can’t see anything but what’s in front of you. So it is much like the Paradoxical Ascent, the closer I get the further away I seem, and the more I know, the less I know.

When we first started out in our journey to God there is a point that you think or perceive to see the whole picture. But as you journey on further the closer you get and the less you think you know! Enjoy the journey friends His ways are past finding out, but its fun trying to learn everything we can!

Paradoxical Ascent 1

When you think about the thought of ambiguity, it brings to mind an ancient thought of the ‘Paradoxical Ascent’.  The very term seems to be inline with ambiguity and in many ways it is, but in a much deeper mystery. The usage of the word paradox in our society is the polar opposite, it actually means disambiguation.

A paradox is a true statement or group of statements that leads to a contradiction or a situation which defies intuition. The term is also used for an apparent contradiction that actually expresses a non-dual truth (cf. kōan, Catuskoti). Typically, the statements in question do not really imply the contradiction, the puzzling result is not really a contradiction, or the premises themselves are not all really true or cannot all be true together. The word paradox is often used interchangeably with contradiction. It is also used to describe situations that are ironic.

Paradoxical Ascent is an early fathers term from their mystical perspective. In the early 1700’s some early fathers of the Jewish mystical faith called it coincidentia oppositorum. Every actual thing involves a coexistence of opposed elements.  Consequently to know, or, in other words, to comprehend an object is equivalent to being conscious of it as a concrete unity of opposed determinations. The coincidence of opposites that characterizes God, humanity and the world can be approximately understood by the simultaneous adoption of two points of view.

While this may seem like a contradiction of polar opposites, it is really that the opposites are all in HIM and complement each other. One makes the other what it is! In more simpler terms we can look at the Kingdom of God as inverted. I say inverted because it seems to be the opposite of what we think and the way we view life. In the Kingdom up is down meaning if you want to ascend you must first descend. If you want to receive you must first give. If you want and desire love you must first love. From our finite perspective it is hard to contain and satisfy a definition of our infinite God and His essence.

For example we say the sun rises in the east every morning and sets in the west every evening. And that is what is so difficult for us because it really does seem that way, our eyes actually see, and we perceive it to be so. But until you are enlightened with other truths on a bigger scale you would never know the truth. The reality being; the sun never MOVES, but rather the earth is turning and rotating around the sun!

This is the beauty of the mystery of the paradoxical ascent to God, that quite possibly what we see and are experiencing is the polar opposite of the truth?

3 Friends We All Need

I have been contemplating Kingdom relationship principles and came across the thought, “The Kingdom of Heaven is like unto a net.”

I discovered that there where three kind of friends and relationships we all need to be successful in life. It made me think of the other three friend groups we all are familiar with. I remember the 3 Stooges; Moe, Larry, and Curly. The 3 Musketeers; all for one and one for all. The 3 Amigos, hopefully no one is in the 3 Blind mice club! There is a verse that talks about a three-fold chord not easily being broken.

I think about all of my friendships I’ve made all over country. Many of these offer so many gifts to me. But I would say if you had these three friends, then I am convinced it would be hard for you to fail at most anything. I’m talking about those friends that literally can be a source of sharpening, and another that brings clarity and the breath of life in hard times. I remember the teaching we used to get from our leadership courses; Your 5 closest friends right now will influence and determine your future. In other words the principle is you attract what you project.

My philosophy is always been we need mentoring people in our lives. We need those Over us, or ahead. We need those who walk Beside us our partners. We all need to be giving back that which was given to us in this light; we all need those we feed and help.

I believe your friends not only are a life source, but they are your friends for a reason. Many of them are ‘mirrors’ in to who you really are. Sometimes they expose you to parts of you that you weren’t even familiar with about you. I pondered to the greatest leader of all and those ‘friends’ He hung out and worked with.  I mean imagine if all of your work friends are your every day friends; that could be heaven or hell LOL. Jesus prayed all night before ‘picking’ his mini tribe of friends. I believe all 12 of them were necessary to fulfill His mission on earth. They were called and in the end He called them friends.

The 3 kind of friends we all need, whether we think so or not. The Kingdom is like a Net; so therefore the Kingdom is about relationships and connectedness  for a higher purpose.

1. Casters – Relationships that Motivate me.

Motivate – prompt, strive, stimulate, activate (provide a motive for doing something) inspire, encourage; ‘Fire with Enthusiasm’

These are the friends and people in our lives that inspire us. Not only to infuse with energy for goals, but more importantly the inspiration to be the ‘authentic me’. Discovery of our Divine nature and our RealU context takes courage. I can’t think of anything more important as to be on the search for our authentic self. Many of us have accountability partners for eating right, working out, achieve personal goals and the such. These are all great, but we need those who inspire us to shed fear and shame, and walk in our true authentic self.

You remember that Snickers commercial, where one of the people on the team, or worker is acting Not like themselves? And the just of it is, their friends will say Bob, eat a snickers man you are NOT BEING YOURSELF!  So we have snickers bars at work, and when people are being grumpy or complaining, we go had them and Snickers and say _________ you are not acting like your real self, eat this please!  It is important that we have authentic grounded friends. Those who can walk the walk.

I mean motivating me by being the kind of person that makes me a Better me! That’s what kind of friend I aspire to be. I think because it is much easier to be vulnerable and authentic in the presence of those with like desires. I don’t know all of the things in your life that cause you want to be vulnerable and authentic, more than the fear of others scorn; hopefully you are there and are ready for the ‘casters’ to arrive in your life and motivate you.

There is an old saying, ‘When the student is ready, the Teacher will appear.’

2. Menders – Relationships that Mend me.

Menders are those friends that know how administer grace when you need it the most. These are the friends that really know you better than you even know yourself. These are the friends that can show you the forest in spite of the trees. They are not impressed with your accomplishments like others are, and certainly are not afraid of your mess.

Mend – to make something (broken, torn, wore out) whole. By usable purpose by repairing
To remove and correct defects. Recovery of the sick, to knit grow back together. To improve
conditions and affairs

3. Washers – Relationships that Moisturize me.

Moisturize – to add or restore moisture, make moist, soft, and pliable again.

When people become dry they get brittle and break easily over time. They no longer know how to bend, they crack. These are those headed for a burnout, or are there and do not realize it.  Washer friends keep you from bitterness of soul, through the sheer joy they bring to your life.  They can bring peace and a light heart to about anyone. In these times especially we need these people in our lives.

Listen to the pod casts on this series. We go into more detail about how to identify these types of friends and just why they are important to you.

Click HERE! to listen…